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Polaroids with Demons.

Polaroids are really-cool. You can take naughty photos only you can see. You can share secrets with yourself without explaining why’s and what’s. Polaroid photos function as little psychological mirrors. It’s the perfect medium to illuminate the contents of your closet. A first-rate method to boogie with your demons. Polaroids however, make-believe you can see yourself. Unfortunately, none of us ever see ourselves, not really. Nevertheless, Polaroids offer therapeutic possibilities, if that’s what you’re looking for, or need.

My demons were hiding in the closet for twenty-five years. All that time, they never made a sound, except when they drank too much whisky, or prevented me from establishing a home, or having intimate relationships. As jealous lovers, they kept me for themselves. When I eventually hit the bottom, at least I hope it was the bottom, love and anti-depressants saved me. Love was the foundation. Without love, I wouldn’t have made it. And, after six sleepless years, a dark cloud of depression and anxiety had settled over my being. Anti-depressants offered a soft pillow. They gave me permission to sleep. Finding sleep was like winning the lottery, or discovering the secrets of the universe.

Photography also saved me, particularly Polaroid photography. The ability to immediately transform ideas, inspired by psychotherapy sessions, into images, caused my demons to become agitated. They knew I was learning to recognize them for what they really are: third-rate actors on an imaginary stage. I used Polaroids to turn the cards on the demons, and to make them perform, for me. The demons still live with me. However, our relationship has changed. They no longer lurk in the dark recesses of my mind. I see them, and I always know what they’re up to. I’m in control most of the time, but now and again, when I'm weak, they gain the upper hand.