Portfolios > The Inevitability of Nina

Dear Nina,
Thessaloniki has strong resonance. I flew here in 1970 to join the oil tanker SS Esso Newcastle. An oil pipeline from God knows where, probably Saudi Arabia, had been sabotaged, leaving the Esso Newcastle stuck in Lebanon, awaiting repairs to the pipeline and to take on a cargo of crude oil. As a result of the delay, I spent a week with a small group of replacement crew at Le Palace Hotel in Thessaloniki, waiting for my ship to come in, as it were. The only thing I remember about the journey from Glasgow to Thessaloniki was that the pop star Cat Stevens was on the London-to-Rome segment, and he was insensitive to the BEA ground staff because our departure was delayed. I’ve had a negative opinion of Cat and his music ever since - it’s probably time to forgive. The life-changing memory I’ve held from the Esso Newcastle is of my first sexual experience with another person. He was my supervisor on the Esso Newcastle and someone I trusted until he took advantage of my naivety after grooming me for four months. The trauma was buried in the primitive recesses of my brain and festered there for the next twenty-five years. I was a different person when my time on the ship ended five months after it began. But it’s also what has brought me back to Thessaloniki and to staying at Le Palace Hotel again. As evidence that such a horrendous experience from so long ago eventually found a healthier place to reside in my brain, I’m struggling to construct a photograph that adequately supports my narrative more than I am with the trauma. A problem I’d much rather have.

I should have known better than to arrive at the hotel with a previsualized image and high expectations that it would work, but I did. I was fixated on a photograph I had taken in 1970 from the balcony of my room, showing the “Palace” portion of the “Hotel Le Palace” sign. I contacted the hotel a month before my arrival to request the same room I’d had previously. Unfortunately, they assigned the room on the floor above. When I looked from the balcony at the sign, all I could see was “Hotel.” I requested a room change, but it wasn’t possible, so I decided to go with what I had, even though I was stressed knowing the photo wasn’t going to work - it’s hard to let go of a previsualized image. Since the sign was to the right of my balcony and my shot would be looking straight out the window, past my naked, staged-dead body, I bought an expensive wall mirror and angled it to redirect the reflection of the “Hotel” part of the sign toward the camera. I added a red glow from my computer to create an unnecessarily dramatic effect. The shot didn’t turn out as I wanted. Since I don’t have time to stay in Thessaloniki until the room I want becomes available, I’m describing the struggles of taking the photo in the hope that it will compensate for its shortcomings. Of course, I could probably say the same about many of the photos in this series. Luckily, I was able to return the expensive mirror.
Love, Roddy